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Jack and Eliza have been, and continue to be, better than Daniel and the RS

Dec. 19th, 2006 | 10:28 pm
mood: tired
music: The Format - Dog Problems

I was going to write a relevant an interesting entry.

This is standing in. A check for you to cash on a later date.

I am incredibly tired. Life is a whirlwind that doesn't seem to want to stop. This must be the ridiculous pace of life implied by junior year. They sneak it up on you, like a large burly man with a filthy burlap sack stalks behind you for your underclassmen years, only to spring on you some time through the beginning of the Junior school year. The sack is pretty see through, but the gaps begin to close and the large burly man has you now, and it's all over. You're dragged into it with relative ease and no hope of escape. The worst part is, it's so easy to ignore the fucker.



Extracurricular - My bane and my reason.

My life has a tendency to revolve around these more than my actual classes. I'm not even a band kid.

Dangerous, I know.

That's how I move.

there are moments when I lock eyes with you and we do that stupid googly eyes thing and the world is drowned out in this roar. This huge silence that fills me as we make contact. It is the most comforting calming and pleasing thing that I have ever experienced. It is my reason for existing some days. It is why days without you have a tendency to seem barren and without reprieve. You're like an oasis in the desert, blue eyes. Thank you for that.

More thought provoking things later, it's time for this cowboy to dismount his dinosaur and hit the sack.

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Nov. 18th, 2006 | 11:02 pm

also, I'm going to take a dump the size of a birthday cake....

Hopefully in a communal wine cask, but most likely in my poor abused toilet.

it has no love for me anymore.

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more thoughts from in front of the frontal lobe.

Oct. 20th, 2006 | 08:22 pm

I feel like a crazed man, hiding my half formed crazed ideas in my own head, too silly to realize good and bad and bad and good and moral depravity form moral behavior.

I feel like I'm hiding some hidden ideology that can underline why my life at times feels incredibly empty and other times it feels perfect, I feel perfect.

I refer to all machines as the machine god - this is quite simply because we have so much faith in them we are undermined by it. When they fail we are baffled, and our faith, blind faith, is trapped away in a special breed of people - technicians with years of training. Might as well just call them priests trying to tell us everything is okay and everything has a purpose.

I find myself abhoring it all and our reliance, even simple machines. my glasses, my computer, cars. All of it. It's like the end of the world all over.

Worse off I know the way out and I know that it's stupid to drop everything and pursue it, and it wouldn't solve anything.

This is stupid. This is all so stupid.

Forget you read this -- but wait, you can't you already have, and every word that I proceed to type further ingrains it into your memory.

Lifetime blairs in the background, Tosh the Cat stands on the arm of the couch, his body a light sink that moves along the edges of my vision.

I feel discontent in my inability to live.

I woke up at a metaphorical 3 pm, and have been stuck in 3 pm all day today. Today was one big afterschool special.

Why do I feel so off?

I have known for some time that Christian has been leaving the goddamn fucking dicks and "BITCH" or "SLUT" comments on her myspace, and to me - I recognize how absolutely fucking idiotic it would be for me to respond like I am but I honestly want to go find the fucker for the express and sole purposes of beating the shit out of him. I want to beat the shit out of him until he can't feel and probably won't walk or move his limbs again, for a while at least.

I recognize this as hormones and disregard it.

I've been reading THE FILTH, a comic by grant morrison. It revives, and has only enforced my thorough interest in Haitian Voodoo, that which isn't seen or heard and can't be explained. My subsequent disbelief in god has left a spiritual hole in my life, one that I was unsure of how to fill - and still I have been searching, and nothing fits. There is a shell in the hole but no filling.

Voodoo, the Occult and all that nonsense is far too sketchy, not concrete enough - but what is?

Mostly, what is recognized as a whole that should be filled by bestsellers like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul, psychiatry or medication.

I want to slip back into un-REM sleep and control my dreams.

In my own mind even I can't control the world. Is that my problem? My own psychic judo is so undeveloped that even I can't fuck with my own thoughts, my inability to control the world within me is the root of my own seeming inability to be content with life. I cannot comprehend the landscapes in my own brain, and therefore I can't actually control my actual inner motivations.

Who knows. I've been sidetracked by Jenna's blinding beauty. I fall back into pattern, and I am temporarily reminded that life doesn't suck. You're doing okay actually, and things could be worse.

If I had to describe a metaphor for my feelings - it would have to be a tree. A massive fucking fruit tree that was stuck in eternal bloom, it could whither it could die -- it might even bear fruit, but right now it's in full bloom, beautiful white flowers, long leaves, gently pushing their faces to a purple sky.

Oof, why does this mental dive always end up bringing big chunks of love back to the surface.

Oh well, another day another dig.

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Provocative? Hardly, just moving through the motions

Oct. 14th, 2006 | 11:58 am

This sunday I'm going silent.

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Oct. 14th, 2006 | 10:16 am
music: The Decemberists - Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then)

Hork Hork Hork.

That was painful.

Nothing else to see here, move along move along.

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Sep. 26th, 2006 | 07:09 pm

Craptastic alliteration batman, we've hit a whole trainwreck of more of the same.

Caught in my own catchphrases I'm considering that day of silence. Don't talk, don't speak, don't acknowledge. Simply listen. I think I might go mad mad mad mad mad.

If I'm not already.

That's okay - we all have to some time - and girls get to do it more often than we penis bearing political power hoisting males do.

Those wiley vaginers.

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Sep. 22nd, 2006 | 11:04 pm
music: Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly - Once More With Feeling

Got that feelin' Mustache feelin'!

The last week has been school nosegrind fiendishness with a vert in the end tossing me off into an abyss. Tomorrow I am slated for:

Pictures on the Metro
Touching people all over their bodies quite possibly without their consent.

I suppose I should insert content.

Right so school is school, punctuated by the people who make it livable. Strange- Strange-

this is not the content you were looking for.

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Sep. 14th, 2006 | 06:26 pm
mood: crappycrappy
music: The Mountain Goats - Best Ever Death Metal Band In

They kissed in the ashes of their ancestors.

These Apocryphal days of madness and mental anguish lead us deeper into the wanton bliss of mindlessness.

School has begun, Summer has died and each of us mourn it's passing. We throw our roses onto it's grave in hopes that we can pass the time until he comes again, hazy and lacksadaisical - once again ringing with the freedom that only Summer can restore.

Enough prose it's time for the deadbeat life.

So I have been crushed under the weight of all the books in which my - Can't go on.

My brain is reamed for ideas as they pour out. Somehow I can't find the words I want - the voice I long for in my writing. Too many words, Too little meaning.

Still searching. I'll post again - maybe if I find it.

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Sep. 2nd, 2006 | 05:41 pm

Saw the Violent Femmes

Tried to write a post.

Jenna's was better - see hers.

my god. I missed the summer, but this is the best beginning to a year I've ever had.

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Sep. 1st, 2006 | 10:16 am
music: Neutral Milk Hotel - Oh Comely

yesterday afternoon, when Ernesto decided to piss all over the east coast I dragged Jenna home with me. Hell if I'm going to leave her out in the rain.

we spent the afternoon together, and chunks of today - or at least I hope we will spend chunks of today together, then - Ethiopian, then VIOLENT FEMMES.

School is school, I have nothing to report. I'm still caught up in teenage boy - I'm still caught up in (in)sanity. Mostly I'm just happy that I'm home - desperately trying to relive as much of summer as I can. The tempature drop is nice - It offsets Bangkok heat well, and reminds me why I like living here, even if I say I hate it. I really like the east coast. I may have originally bitched, but it's grown on me. I like the green, I like the cold, I like cities. I don't know where I want to live anymore, but I don't think I'd mind living somewhere on the east coast.

My schedule has been fixed but it's all shit anyways, the only classes I'll enjoy will be my Ap Lit, Ap Us, and Ap Us Gov't, all of which I have wonderful assignments for that I have yet to do. Oh well - three day weekend, right?

My sibling is back - I've missed her, but I'm reminded of the people in all my classes. You know, the mases eschewed into this girl who is my sibling - painfully different but still just a child, still just a human. I think I'm going to use Burroughs for my assignment instead of Cryptonomicon - I actually enjoyed Naked Lunch's disjointed junk induced narrative. I like people who have problems that write. It makes the writing better, or so I tell myself. A prime counterexample is her bitchiness, the queen of cunts Anne coulter, whom my father claims we can't make fun of, because she is Transgendered.

They say nothing good can last, so I wonder.

No I don't, I'm fucking invincible.

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