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Jan. 13th, 2007 | 11:58 pm
music: Motion City Soundtrack - Together Well Ring in the New Year

Free self help is proving to be fucking useless.

Why do I feel like I'm the only one not excited by the next phase of schooling.

To a greater or lesser extent I feel as if I don't do it I'll end up somewhere in life where I don't want to be, while if I do I'll be doing not only more work - it will be more work towards something I don't want to do. I don't get it. What's the trick?


and the College talk. It drives me insane. I feel as if I'm separate because I can't find those colleges I best identify with. Personally I don't trust campus literature. I never trust any sort of self aggrandizing literature. It feels too much like putting trust in other people's hands, specifically very costly hands who I will inevitably be stuck with for a period of time. The whole idea fails to elicit coo's of delight from me. In fact it more readily emits sighs of wariness and sideways looks.

Yes, I know the benefits, I just don't understand the emotions that everyone else has. The excitement seems to much for me. It's like oh look, I get an extra so many miles between my friends and I, just like before. What's not to love? Somehow the excitement and adventure aspect aren't really appealing to me.

tangent cosine and also sine.

It feels like I'm slipping between two states of being. One includes an ironing board. keen, ain't it?

Trying to recollect the previous days is difficult, and I can see why people keep ridiculously accurate journals. I read on boingboing about a man who would write his every action every 5 minutes for an obscene number of years. He kept all the transcripts. After his death his family released them to the semi-public domain. It was amazing. He would even include the time he spent writing down the actions he was doing and how much time he spent doing those actions. Somehow I find it admirable. I want to get a moleskin, and start subscribing to the cult of GTD, and doing that whole simple clean - make life - improve existence thing.

Jenna and I went to Rhonda's tonight. She just got back from Bali and endowed us with gifts from the second world.

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Comments {1}



from: princessdarky
date: Jan. 14th, 2007 05:20 am (UTC)

campus literature is absolute crap. all of it looks the same. that's why you visit schools. it's the only way you'll really get a feel of the place, by wandering around it, chatting with students, eating their crap food, visiting a class. almost every school looks nice on paper, but you'll know if it's right or not when you are physically on the campus.

the whole getting away thing doesn't appeal to you because you move too much. those of us who have been stuck here since elementary school? time for a change of scenery/air quality, thanks.

and, you're a generation next-er. you're allowed to be flighty and act spoiled when you get a job, then leave it after 6 months when it sucks. we hold an average of 10 jobs in our first 10 years after schooling! and you can make it so that college isn't that much work. i promise the schools that will make that true are the ones already whoring themselves at your feet (some of them at least. i imagine you get some nice schools just looking for a little diversity.)

i'm seriously considering fucking the whole higher education crap after an AA and just being a college planner, because i have waaaaay too much fun with it.

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